Monday, August 10, 2009
ever have one of those days where everything you did was wrong?
i'm having at the very least, one of those years. maybe in my past life i was a real prick, or maybe the next one is gonna be really good.
fuck
i'm having at the very least, one of those years. maybe in my past life i was a real prick, or maybe the next one is gonna be really good.
fuck
Thursday, August 06, 2009
it's funny that i am still reeling from the effects of last spring.
madly in love with a girl, to find out (incorrectly) that she is unavailable, so i turn my attentions elsewhere, crash and burn, find out that the first girl was available after all, it all comes back and more
only now she's unavailable again. i need to find the little part inside of me that feels desire, and drown it in alcohol.
finally i learn to express myself, finally i am able to tell someone and finally she is interested, only it's too late.
oh well. at least i know that this spring will be much tamer in comparison.
madly in love with a girl, to find out (incorrectly) that she is unavailable, so i turn my attentions elsewhere, crash and burn, find out that the first girl was available after all, it all comes back and more
only now she's unavailable again. i need to find the little part inside of me that feels desire, and drown it in alcohol.
finally i learn to express myself, finally i am able to tell someone and finally she is interested, only it's too late.
oh well. at least i know that this spring will be much tamer in comparison.
Monday, August 03, 2009
ever had one of those moments where you feel like every major decision you made in your life was wrong?
well i'm having that moment, over and over again, like groundhog day...
well i'm having that moment, over and over again, like groundhog day...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
i had the grooviest dream last night.
maybe i am a sleepaholic afterall. especially between 6:00ish and 9:00
i was on a diving holiday. backpacker style accommodation but with all my good scuba gear (unlike last holiday)
i'm in the late starting group, but i'm first out of bed for this group, and it's still really early, like 6:30 - 7:00am, and i walk out the back door down to a wooden diving deck. i look out over a clear lake surrounded by a forest of trees with not much growth down low, wierd bark, not smooth like a eucalypt, more like a thin sappy prickly trunk, irregularly spaced with pine needles or something on the ground, brown from being there awhile.
the water is just magically clear, it must be very deep. clouds and clouds of bubbles coming up from the divers below. it must be at least 30 metres deep for the bubbles to be coming up in this particular pattern. you can see the individual diver's bubbles but they are spread right out. and though it's surrounded by forest, the sky is also visible very low, the water almost blends into the sky, it's not very bright, a bit grey, but not gloomy, it almost looks like the bubbles are bubbling up into the sky.
for some reason i'm solo on my first dive. i hit the bottom at 29 metres, in a wreck, it's pretty blissful, but i'm peaking a bit because i'm solo and not got redundant gear. then the whole dream kinda blurs into changing to my twinset (double tanks) and diving with another person on the holiday who is a little inexperienced, but that's ok, she's fairly competent, and i'll babysit her for a few dives so we can get back to the wreck for the cooler stuff.
i really loved the image of the bubbles coming up, a cloud curtain visible down to 5-10 metres, and almost bubbling up into the atmosphere. the sky was grey but the water was clear. oh yeah, i remember, and it was warm. i was diving in a wetsuit instead of my drysuit and it was so warm and comfortable, maybe 20 degrees C.
a very blissfull dream, made me feel pretty mellow :-)
maybe i am a sleepaholic afterall. especially between 6:00ish and 9:00
i was on a diving holiday. backpacker style accommodation but with all my good scuba gear (unlike last holiday)
i'm in the late starting group, but i'm first out of bed for this group, and it's still really early, like 6:30 - 7:00am, and i walk out the back door down to a wooden diving deck. i look out over a clear lake surrounded by a forest of trees with not much growth down low, wierd bark, not smooth like a eucalypt, more like a thin sappy prickly trunk, irregularly spaced with pine needles or something on the ground, brown from being there awhile.
the water is just magically clear, it must be very deep. clouds and clouds of bubbles coming up from the divers below. it must be at least 30 metres deep for the bubbles to be coming up in this particular pattern. you can see the individual diver's bubbles but they are spread right out. and though it's surrounded by forest, the sky is also visible very low, the water almost blends into the sky, it's not very bright, a bit grey, but not gloomy, it almost looks like the bubbles are bubbling up into the sky.
for some reason i'm solo on my first dive. i hit the bottom at 29 metres, in a wreck, it's pretty blissful, but i'm peaking a bit because i'm solo and not got redundant gear. then the whole dream kinda blurs into changing to my twinset (double tanks) and diving with another person on the holiday who is a little inexperienced, but that's ok, she's fairly competent, and i'll babysit her for a few dives so we can get back to the wreck for the cooler stuff.
i really loved the image of the bubbles coming up, a cloud curtain visible down to 5-10 metres, and almost bubbling up into the atmosphere. the sky was grey but the water was clear. oh yeah, i remember, and it was warm. i was diving in a wetsuit instead of my drysuit and it was so warm and comfortable, maybe 20 degrees C.
a very blissfull dream, made me feel pretty mellow :-)
Saturday, May 23, 2009
ack!
my brain was full, now it's empty
visions, dreams, life, pain and happiness
once upon a time there was a happy little vegemite. ahhh bugger that.
once upon a time about 20 years ago,
nah fuck that
not gonna do a history thingy either
girls. i'm pretty ignorant about a lot of things. but girls top the list. i could never be gay. got a coupla gay friends, i couldn't care if they're gay or even catholic, but that's not for me.
i see people get in out of relationships, every now and then it happens to me too. i'm pretty retarded at relationships, so usually getting out of a relationship happens pretty soon after getting in to one, every coupla years or so...
but i still love them all. each of them were lovely crazy people. love like friends, some like sisters, but still, one day, there will be the one perhaps. the last one, the one that didn't happen and then did. damn, i thought she was the one. but then, she was too much like me. ever really liked a song? then played the shit out of it? then despised it? drat! fuck!
on one hand it freaks me out, because this bird was (i thought) my closest grooviest friend, and now we don't talk. i miss talking to her. on the other hand, i guess she's exactly like me, someone who was too much and then you turned right off, you don't speak to if you can avoid it. probably good for me to get it back at me as it's happened to me twice before and now i see it from the other side.
dribble dribble. fart fart
a friend of mine once said to me "you're girl crazy Stacy!". i suspect she might have been right. every coupla years i lost the plot. and hormones drive my life
ever had a crush on someone. and then you found out she was happy, engaged, etc... and then 20 years later she turned out to be single again and your inner compass started spinning? that happened 12 months ago, maybe in another 12 months i'll pretend to be sane again....
oh and if none of this made sense. well duh! i'm drunk and read the title....
my brain was full, now it's empty
visions, dreams, life, pain and happiness
once upon a time there was a happy little vegemite. ahhh bugger that.
once upon a time about 20 years ago,
nah fuck that
not gonna do a history thingy either
girls. i'm pretty ignorant about a lot of things. but girls top the list. i could never be gay. got a coupla gay friends, i couldn't care if they're gay or even catholic, but that's not for me.
i see people get in out of relationships, every now and then it happens to me too. i'm pretty retarded at relationships, so usually getting out of a relationship happens pretty soon after getting in to one, every coupla years or so...
but i still love them all. each of them were lovely crazy people. love like friends, some like sisters, but still, one day, there will be the one perhaps. the last one, the one that didn't happen and then did. damn, i thought she was the one. but then, she was too much like me. ever really liked a song? then played the shit out of it? then despised it? drat! fuck!
on one hand it freaks me out, because this bird was (i thought) my closest grooviest friend, and now we don't talk. i miss talking to her. on the other hand, i guess she's exactly like me, someone who was too much and then you turned right off, you don't speak to if you can avoid it. probably good for me to get it back at me as it's happened to me twice before and now i see it from the other side.
dribble dribble. fart fart
a friend of mine once said to me "you're girl crazy Stacy!". i suspect she might have been right. every coupla years i lost the plot. and hormones drive my life
ever had a crush on someone. and then you found out she was happy, engaged, etc... and then 20 years later she turned out to be single again and your inner compass started spinning? that happened 12 months ago, maybe in another 12 months i'll pretend to be sane again....
oh and if none of this made sense. well duh! i'm drunk and read the title....
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
it's hard going through life with the attention span of a goldfish.
watching one of my favourite movies. big wednesday.a surfing movie set in the vietnam times in the united states of america.
one thing that really annoys me. old people (hell i'm 40 so factor that in). old people, leaders, can cause national subscription, send young people to fight wars. wars that are probably ill fought out political bullshit.
one of the revolutions in the war thingy, was the gun. instead of having to train an archer or a warrior for 15 years, you gave a peasant a firestick and a pocketfull of fire, next thing you know, you've got an army.
that's not the thing that annoys me though. the thing that really really annoys me is that the gun is good for any age dickhead to use and kill people with. in my opinion, the only people that should have to go to war, are those of the same age as the person who decided they should go to war. if you vote for war, you go, your family, your wife, your children and your friends, and if anyone else has to go, first are your age group. i don't give a fuck how old. the older the better. the children should get to play, to surf, make love, drink and act badly, travel the world and meet people. only old crusty farts should have to make war.
burp
watching one of my favourite movies. big wednesday.a surfing movie set in the vietnam times in the united states of america.
one thing that really annoys me. old people (hell i'm 40 so factor that in). old people, leaders, can cause national subscription, send young people to fight wars. wars that are probably ill fought out political bullshit.
one of the revolutions in the war thingy, was the gun. instead of having to train an archer or a warrior for 15 years, you gave a peasant a firestick and a pocketfull of fire, next thing you know, you've got an army.
that's not the thing that annoys me though. the thing that really really annoys me is that the gun is good for any age dickhead to use and kill people with. in my opinion, the only people that should have to go to war, are those of the same age as the person who decided they should go to war. if you vote for war, you go, your family, your wife, your children and your friends, and if anyone else has to go, first are your age group. i don't give a fuck how old. the older the better. the children should get to play, to surf, make love, drink and act badly, travel the world and meet people. only old crusty farts should have to make war.
burp
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
looks like i've been unsuccessful groovers.
i have never come this close to being in a relationship, without actually being in one. i thought i was over relationships, and i was, i'm hopeless at them. which is probably highlighted by this...
oh well. one friend richer, and still single.
i am such a fussy prick, fair dinkum, i do get some offers, and if anyone ever asked me what i looked for in my perfect woman, i would say that i have no clue. just check out exhibit a, b and c. a and b i managed to stuffup, c, is probably the girl i have been most attracted to, um, ever? it's funny, when you're riding the emotional wave, and you're at the longing for bit, then it's always the most :-)
this chicky babe though, drop dead gorgous, great sense of humour, nearly as kooky and unco as me (ok kooky yes, unco no) loves to walk around barefoot anywhere, loves doing stuff i like doing, did i say gorgeous? blue eyes that make me, well when i see them and the eyelashes do the eyelashes thing, it's best i didn't see that when driving. an amazing smile that makes everyone smile.
when i got divorced, apart from the usual rebound thingy where i wanted to marry anything and everything, i was determined to stay single forever. especially the last 5-6 years. but now, for this bird, i'd change my life.
which is funny :-) life is a bit complicated for her, she thought she was leaving a relationship, unwillingly, and then he changed his mind
sucks to be me :-) oh well
so, apart from now when i've had too many beers (surprise surprise) i'm pretty much stuck in my shell until i'm over it. not too much longer. every time i catch myself moping i kinda give myself a bit of a mental kick in the backside and tell myself to get over it.
summer. had a coupla surfs, i've had a few skis, my arms are probably 3 inches longer i've been out so often this week :-) i love summer, i love the heat. i love to sweat, swim, surf, ski, check out the cute chickies (ok, 30+ chickies now, whatever)
blah blah de blah :-)
catchya later groovers
i have never come this close to being in a relationship, without actually being in one. i thought i was over relationships, and i was, i'm hopeless at them. which is probably highlighted by this...
oh well. one friend richer, and still single.
i am such a fussy prick, fair dinkum, i do get some offers, and if anyone ever asked me what i looked for in my perfect woman, i would say that i have no clue. just check out exhibit a, b and c. a and b i managed to stuffup, c, is probably the girl i have been most attracted to, um, ever? it's funny, when you're riding the emotional wave, and you're at the longing for bit, then it's always the most :-)
this chicky babe though, drop dead gorgous, great sense of humour, nearly as kooky and unco as me (ok kooky yes, unco no) loves to walk around barefoot anywhere, loves doing stuff i like doing, did i say gorgeous? blue eyes that make me, well when i see them and the eyelashes do the eyelashes thing, it's best i didn't see that when driving. an amazing smile that makes everyone smile.
when i got divorced, apart from the usual rebound thingy where i wanted to marry anything and everything, i was determined to stay single forever. especially the last 5-6 years. but now, for this bird, i'd change my life.
which is funny :-) life is a bit complicated for her, she thought she was leaving a relationship, unwillingly, and then he changed his mind
sucks to be me :-) oh well
so, apart from now when i've had too many beers (surprise surprise) i'm pretty much stuck in my shell until i'm over it. not too much longer. every time i catch myself moping i kinda give myself a bit of a mental kick in the backside and tell myself to get over it.
summer. had a coupla surfs, i've had a few skis, my arms are probably 3 inches longer i've been out so often this week :-) i love summer, i love the heat. i love to sweat, swim, surf, ski, check out the cute chickies (ok, 30+ chickies now, whatever)
blah blah de blah :-)
catchya later groovers
