Sunday, October 15, 2006

my wierd life. i like having an online blog. i can vent and let crap out. but sometimes i gotta edit it. got a few relatives and friends that read it, it can really bite you on the arse. maybe i should make another entry in my diary. it's been about 5 years, might be time for another one.

i knew my life was at a cusp, but i still don't know which way it's going. at the moment i'm stuck in the nothing. a few weeks ago i was excited and animated, but now i'm in a void.

i think there a few factors. it's spring, my hormones have woken up and the bit of my brain that wants nooky seems to be getting all the blood that the parts of my brain that may (or may not) be capable of logic, should be getting. my job is annoying the shit out of me. i need to get on top of it, take control, and make it a job again, rather than a big fat bag of stress. my weekend diving gig has jumped up a notch, with a little extra stress. i'm still enjoying it, but i'd prefer the way it was before. i like being a dumb deckie. being the divemaster is a little more difficult, but it can be quite rewarding. and my lovelife. well the less said about that, the better. it's probably for the best that nothing is happening there, no lovelife means i can't screw up someone else's life. when it comes to relationships, think kamikazi, only kamikazi was apparently a very rigidly enforced and dedicated form of suicide, whilst my lovelife is kinda like an unco terrorist with a flamethrower, a wooden leg and termites.

all amped up, and nowhere to go. i think another few trips to the track will fix me.

one of the guys on the boat this weekend inspired me though. this lad has malformed arms. he only has very short arms, and 3 fingers on each hand, kinda reminds me of the thalidamide kids, he can reach his face and that's about it. but he's having fun with his life. he's a good diver, gets out and about and has a good outlook. sometimes when i feel down, guys like this with big hearts, remind me how lucky i am.

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