Tuesday, February 07, 2006

well, i'm far from being home and hosed. and NO Hooch, that's nothing to do with watersports! it's a saying

i heard a funny advert on the way to wogalong (wollongong) from sydney this morning to attend a course. it was some kind of ad for dentistry. they had a guy reading it with the right (ocker aussie) accent saying that if you had the kind of gap between your front teeth that meant you could "eat an apple through a tennis racket" then after their u-beaut implant stuff, (i'm adlibbing now, can't remember exactly) then afterwards you'd be a "real hit with the shielas" and be "smiling like a shot fox". well maybe it was geographical, you had to be there.

anyways. i've realised the mistakes i've made with my past few relationships. i've gone after girls that i was only attracted to. pretty just isn't enough. sure, i'm carrying baggage, but so are they, but the main problem is that if i don't get the "thunderbolt", i'm doomed to failure.

anyway, like i said, i tried going out with girls that i was attracted to. they were pretty and fun to be with. i liked them and i liked being with them. but i can't just have a casual relationship and let it build. it just doesn't work for me. i've gotta be hit with lightning. then i've also gotta do the right stuff (usually by fluke) and then she's gotta feel the same (even more of a fluke) and even after that i can still screw up (cue my marriage).

anyway. i wish i'd known that sooner. i thought i'd never get that feeling again. so i went out with a few cute girls (and to be perfectly honest, they were really nice. friendly, good mum's, no more baggage than me, patient and adaptable). and because i wasn't smitten i'd say i wanted to keep it casual and calm, see what builds. but it didn't get better, and they'd get upset, then i'd be upset for making them upset, then i'd run away.

this lady i'm interested in now is pretty, attractive. well, drop dead gorgeous. i can't say just like the other ladies, because i've learned it's best not to compare. they were all beautiful in their own special way. but i am totally smitten with this girl. it's like how i felt about the girl i married once, and a girl once before that. only it's new again, and bigger and bettter. hit me with a brick or give me a shot of sambucca, i dunno. maybe it's chemical, but i can't resist it. and after that, after the lighting strikes, no other girl interests me even remotely. i'm sure that's against the "blokes code" or something, (rule #4, thou shalt admire the pretty chicks). sure i can admire them, but i'm completely uninterested. it's just like walking through an art gallery.

an ex-girlfriend once reckoned i'd pick up heaps by working on a dive boat. well that worked for my predecessor, but not for me. when it comes to attracting the ladies, i "speak french like a spanish cow". (a saying i heard today that i had to repeat), clueless doesn't even begin to describe it.

so i'm totally attracted to her, and trying not to blow my cover and be a total dweeb, and i'm probably failing miserably. sometimes i think the only thing in our favour is that girls like us making fools of ourselves. well i'm certainly good at that. i'm realistic though, she may change her mind, may still be in two minds, may not even be interested. hell, girlies operate on a whole other instruction set. i have no idea what's going on. but if it doesn't work out at least i know that the lightning bolt ain't broke. if it can still hit me, then maybe i'm not destined to be single. and if it doesn't ever again, i'm not settling for second best. i just end up hurting people and feeling like shit.

despite that i like being single (finally) and i like living in my own house. when the lightning bolt hits, and you meet that special lady, that's a whole other rush. i wouldna believed it, but its better than perfect lefts at my favourite surf spot, better than phillip island on our racebike, and even better than carving perfect arcs water skiing. i'd give up everything for that, but even better, i'm trying to see if i can keep it all, bring her skiing, and still have it all.

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