Friday, December 31, 2004

a day at the races

being the sedentary types, and being holidays, we got out of bed late, and got to the races late. to find that it was "kids race day". woops. kids everywhere.

and on the first race, i won $11.50, from only $5. woohoo. this game is easy! pity it was all downhill from there. each race we'd check out the horses and the jockeys, then head over to the circus, err bookmakers, to get rid of some more money. my mum reckons i shoulda just stuck to what works for her. horse number 4 or anyone wearing a yellow shirt. seeing as i know nothing about horses, or racing them, that would have been good advice beforehand. oh well. a fun day of drinking in the sun.

today we're going to the beach at torquay. they figure that i can't be this far south without going there or to bells beach. that's fine with me, especially as today is meant to get to around 32 degrees or something like that. sounds like beach weather to me.

my board may be a thousand k's away, so i'm gonna have to go for a body bash, but i'm gonna get to surf bells. unless it's flat...

ps: for a quick giggle over at g'day mate

Monday, December 27, 2004

well today was amusing. a nice late start, even for me. time enough to read the news and my comics online, even over dialup. plus saying happy bday to my niece who jumped online for a bit while i was looking for sydney-hobart race info.

we eventually drove into town, bounced in and out of a few shops looking for late xmas pressies. i worked out what i want for D, but couldn't find it. still struggling for the others. found a ford calendar for my mad mate who's moved to the uk, which he should enjoy.

one street we went up is supposedly the buskers street. they all go there to busk. there was one old guy busking with a drum. now i've heard people play the bongos good enough to play on their own, and a full drum kit, good enough to go solo. but this guy, with just one drum, was kinda like my nephew bashing on a saucepan with two wooden spoons. then we find these toilets where you go down under the footpath. i wanted to go, but after the description from someone at tssh (trying to find link to post) i wasn't game because that's where all the crazy people hang out. or maybe i shouldn't believe everything i read on the net. whatever.

it's windy and a bit cool, which is a little cooler than i'm used to for xmas and summer, but that's ok, i've heard melbourne can be cold. we go into a bookshop, browse, buy a tacky book called "too much tuscan sun". it's stories by a travel operator/guide in chianti. looks like fun anyway. out we come and it's raining. damn. in another shop, up a dozen escalators to the toy section, can't find what i want, can't take the stupid elevators (there's 6!) because you have to have an employee drive them for you. down escalators and wander around some more. oh yeah, now it's sunny :-)

brekkie (it's about 1:30pm) at some cafe on the footpath. some interesting wierd people here heh. it's just like sydney but the streets are better. and there's trams and hook turns. brother-in-law describes the hook turn to me as someone attempts it. looks simple enough and nobody is killed or hurt. in fact the drivers are all remarkably well behaved. which is better than my first day's impression. which was that all these damn mexicans are lunatics. i can understand thinking they're all mad because you see a few nutcases creep over the border and drive like loonies, but we get so many terrorists anyway and they all drive like loonies cause they dunno where they're goin. but on my first day down here, they were all just the same. they're loonies at home too!

then we wander around, checkin a few shops and stuff. find not much and cruise back. when going over the west gate bridge you can see for ages. it's pretty flat. storms over here, and over there, and over there as well. cool.

walking along the yarra to the train station was nice. very picturesque and stuff. boats cruising up and down the river, a nice scene of the river with the city in the background.

in one place the bank of the river was all wooden planks, with rowing clubs across the footpath, so the rodericks and featherington-beasleys could haul out strange rowing contraptions and hide them in immaculate rowing club sheds.

watched kooky trams crossing the bridge, and a little bridge called the millenium bridge. it looked very modern and stylish and stuff. even opened up in the year 2000. perhaps it was originally going to be the 1998 bridge...

and let's not forget the pretty girls in their summery dresses. i don't give a shit if that makes me a dirty old man :-) i'm only human, they looked bloody good.

had a few beers in a bar called young and jackson. supposedly the most famous pub in australia. i've never heard of it before. but i'm only an ignorant heathen anyway.

there was none of this mucking about with pots and schooners and middies (which would all be the wrong size anyway). you either got a big one (570ml) or a little one (385ml) unless you wanted a stella, in which case it was in a trendy looking beaker from some kid's chemistry project. we nearly got away with it, but brother-in-law insisted on asking if they had tooheys, so they worked out we were ignorant terrorists after all.

well xmas was fun. got some good pressies, backyard cricket, met new people, drank too much, passed out.

for boxing day we drove back from wherever we were (still not sure exactly where we were, a finger on the weather map in the paper isn't that exact. somewhere in latrobe valley, like i know what that means anyway...) to a train station so we could go to the cricket.

brand new trains, very nice, designed for fucking midgets. so we're all bashing knees and trying not to fall into the aisle. i'm impressed. it's a train, should have lots of room, and we're more cramped than on the plane. i pity the poor people who use this shit every day. so we get to the mcg, meet 2 others and enter. only in their infinite wisdom, the moron organisers don't sell ticketed seats. it's a free-for-all. so we spend about 30-40 mins trying to find seats so we can all sit together. it's amazing how many people have imaginary/invisible friends they are minding seats for. arseholes. and we bought tickets in advance for the $35. the mother fucking arseholes were selling them at the entrance for $25. un-fucking-believable.

so unlike other places, where you buy early, save money and get good seats. here you might as well just turn up on the day, buy cheaper tickets and get into a free-for-all, end up sitting all over the place.

so we find seats only to find they are designed by the same fucker who built the seats in the train. sardine fucking central. and we're so high that if you trip over, you'll land 3 rows down. so i stop moaning for a while and we watch the game. i enjoyed it. the pakis played pretty good, it'll interesting to see how the game progresses today.

after the game we get back into sardine-frikking-train system and head back to sister's place. some stoned moron started a fight with another loser and the train wouldn't leave. some big dude got the shits with them and threw them both off. i was impressed. one didn't want to go so he ended up halfway across the platform. the railway security was pretty lame though. eventually some railway staff turned up. the second loser tried to climb onto the roof. which would have been amusing, for a sec anyway. and he eventually talked his way into being left on the train to go home. as soon as we got going he was all tough again and bashed on the windows at either the staff or the other loser. then he sits there swearing and carrying on. finally they get off, and more losers get on. fortunately the new losers were a lot quieter. i asked my brother in law how often this happens. he says all the time.


Thursday, December 23, 2004

well i arrived in tullamarine safely, and celebrated in the fashion to which i've become accustomed. beer :-)

i always wondered where tullamarine was, after hearing it mentioned in that song, "i've been to bali too". for some reason i assumed it was in queensland somewhere, oh well, everyone knows i'm an ignorant git.

checking the news and reading the blogs over dialup today, leaving randomn comments all over the place, from my sister's laptop. dialup sucks. i put up with it for years and years, but now i've got broadband at home i'm never going back. i shall just have to hound my sister and her husband until they get broadband. apparently the setup cd is in the mail hehehe

we're going to my sister's outlaw's place for xmas eve and xmas celebrations. somewhere out in the boondocks. hell i'm not exactly sure where i am now anyway. somewhere in the 'burbs near melbourne.

so avagreatchrissie everyone. catchyas in the drunken/hungover aftermath as i dunno if i can monopolise the internet connection wherever it is i'm going. might have to socialise and stuff :-)

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

wednesday has finally arrived. and with my usual lack of attention to detail, i've just spent 30 mins waiting to get on the wrong plane. now i'm checking out the virginblue blue room. gotta still pay for internet access though using one of the stupid webpoint thingies.

i would be using my laptop but the stupid little fucker zorched itself last night or this morning, giving me not enough time to fix it before it was time to leave. so it's at home, broken, with my broken desktop computer. fuck fuck fuck.

fortunately i rang my brother late last night to remind him he was taking my car home from the airport. he thought he was taking me on saturday. woops. maybe i should just stole a car "liberty city" style and left it at the airport :-)

rang my sister and gave her the wrong time to pick me up, when i realised, i rang back, but she already knew. she knows what flight i'm on even!

ok, now to see if the ps2 is vacant yet...

Friday, December 17, 2004

yay, the weekend is here. happy hour is over, and i'm trying to keep it together long enough to get on the boat, without falling overboard. gonna be a big weekend, and an even bigger xmas.

have fun crazy people

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

gah! it's only wednesday. it feels like friday for some reason, but i have to come to work tomorrow. this week is dragging itself through treacle.

the local dive club is out on the ark this weekend. with eskies and fancy dress and their drinking shoes.

gotta get the bugs out of my drysuit (that is learn how to use it and not stuffup) so i can take it down to melbourne with me. i'm afraid of that cold water down there already. so i'll be doing as much diving as i can on saturday. sunday could be hangover dependent...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

a year ago, after making a foolish dickhead out of myself, in a new but still stupid way, i decided that xmas time this year i'd get the fuck out of dodge city and go and visit my sister in melbourne for xmas/new year.

well the year has gone, and i'm counting the days until i fly down. never been to melbourne before, people who have been there either love it or hate it. it'll be orright i reckon. gonna check out the cricket (boo hiss you say?!) any excuse to go drinking in the sun :-) i won't watch it on the telly but make an annual pilgrimage to one of the sydney games. afterwards we do a bit of a pub crawl back to wherever we're staying. i just take a business card from the hotel/motel so i can give it to the taxi driver when i'm pissed and lost.

gonna try and fit in a bit of scuba diving on the submarines down there in port phillip bay. then i'm gonna see if i can claim the lot on tax :-)

new years down there as well. then fly back up in time to catch up with the normal (normal?) crew that i go to the cricket with. then another 2 weeks off to recover from the liver damage and go surfing every day with the kids.

summer, i love it

Sunday, December 12, 2004

another great weekend. this is the lucky country.

i really enjoyed myself this weekend. no dickhead minority to spoil my fun. (i don't care who's paying for it, i'm there, it's my fun :-) )

friday night loading the customers it pissed down. i love it when people with no clue look at the weather and say, it's raining really hard, we'll wait until it eases. only here that could be in 2 days...

in any case, most of them got drenched, except for one inventive lad who wore his wetsuit on the tender out to the boat. but that didn't stop them, they dried off, changed, and partied on. in our industry, people who refuse to have a bad time, who enjoy every situation, are the best customers. and they'll get a lot more out of the experience as well. we had a fairly large pommy contingent. and i must say, they really made the past pommy customers look bad. i know where the saying "whinging pom" comes from. but there were none amongst this lot.

when god was handing out brains, they thought he said roller blades, and they said woohoo! give-us a go of that! ok, what i'm trying to say is they were a lot of fun and had a good time.
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...'Fuck yeah! What a ride!'"

so friday night ended up with us all drenched and giggling. saturday was fine and fun. a little unsettled, but the divers took it all in their stride and had a lot of fun. i managed to go for my second drysuit dive, and leaked like a sieve. some more instruction required. so i got the boss to help me out, she fixed my neck seal, then i went off for a night dive and saw the biggest catfish i've ever seen. she fixed the seal pretty good. i think i've got it sorted now.

sunday was the usual bedlam. get up, set the tables for brekkie, help the cook a bit, take a 20 min power nap, then go go go. chuck divers into the water, get them out, fill tanks. repeat. there was no cute young chickies, but there were some nicely preserved older models. makes working on the back deck all worth while :-) due to my latest attempts, i've worked out that i'm not equipped to deal with relationships. i have an unhappy knack of screwing things up. and then feeling like shit for months. so i'm staying single, enjoying myself, and enjoying the scenery. look but don't touch...

crew A gets off, crew B gets on, i go home and they go for a booze cruise (xmas party). i've finally got back to "things going smoothly". gonna try to keep that working for as long as possible.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

my boring news analysis for the day. like anyone gives a shit :-)

enn zedd backs same sex civil unions . of course the god botherers and others said that meant that the nz pm was surrounded by homosexuals. so i guess they get as much mud slinging over there as we do here. i can't see it as an issue really. just a bunch of people trying to interfere with another group of people who want to be happy. not gonna hurt anyone, cost anyone, or interfere with the donation plate onna sunday. and natural law? i don't think they want natural law. i mean which one? the bull in the herd of cows? or like the apes, which is similar and rather bloody in determining the strongest male to service the females. gees, we've spent a coupla hundred years dragging ourselves outta the dark ages, and they wanna drag us back? look at our achievements, what other animal wastes hours and hours in committee meetings?

NATO to Tell Russia Ukraine Poll Must Be Fair. well derrrr fred. dya think they hadn't thought of that? the people have spoken, loudly, they're holding new elections. having seen how the yanks have managed to wind up and screw up the whole middle east situation (perhaps they were following the pom's stirling fucked up example) i'd be a whole bunch happier if they'd just shut-the-fuck-up.

in other news, my soccer team has played the last 2 games with our new, stylish shirts. today we got the shorts and socks to match. then the lad who organised his boss to sponser us for the lot, told his boss he was quitting... oops. and given our current form, we'll play today (we won) and next week, and then miss the semi finals. woops hehehe. i really don't give a shit, i just love playing. win. lose. whatever. i play my hardest/best. fuck up heaps, then we have a few beers and abuse the next teams playing at the field where we are. oh well, there's always next year!

been working on spam filtering and mail relay problem for days. 500,000 new fucking grey hairs. hate microsuck with new and renewed passion. our users have new-found dis-respect and low opinion of our computer "service".

(i'm reminded of a quote from days of thunder "we look like a bunch of monkeys fucking a football!")

spent an hour (inbetween stupid interruptions) trying to print fucking manual on piece of shit photocopier, give up, print on laser printer. waste 150 sheets of paper. paperless office? HAH!

find option i'm looking for. of course, it's un-fucking-documented.

exclaims loudly "HAH"!
presses button
office erupts

looking on the positive side. despite last weekend being a bit annoying, there were good bits. one of the suprise party included a kiwi guy who used to be a police diver over there. he had some interesting stories. diving in zero visibility, looking for bodies (yuck). not a very glamorous job. they don't get to spend a lot of time in tropical destinations taking photos of pretty fish. he said their photos usually didn't turn out, which was just as well.

a lot of divers ended up with ear problems, as they couldn't say, sorry, ear trouble, can't descend. they just had to grit their teeth and bear it. with the resulting ear damage. of course that doesn't (or shouldn't happen) nowadays. oh&s is all over that stuff like a rash. but he told me about his ear operations to try and unstuff the damage, and reinforced some of the things we tell our divers about not forcing the val-salva maneouvre (holding your nose and blowing to clear your ears) and if it hurts, stop. some people still think "she'll be right" and then it's not.

i was given plenty of experience at being a divemaster as well. one diver was very nervous, and needed lots of reassurance. plus a few tips about self rescue and dealing with stress. we were making ground, but unfortunately she's still got a little way to go. i don't think she's ready for the liveaboard experience yet. things can get a bit fast paced with so many people diving at once. and a beginner diver often needs time to get comfortable and confident before being thrown into more testing situations. so she learned a bit, and i learned a bit too.

i tried out my new drysuit. and it was an interesting experience. it's got automatic vents in the ankles, as well as an automatic/lockable shoulder vent. everytime i swam down, with my feet up, it'd vent out the air through my feet. i need to adjust that i think. they did that because people used to end up coming up feet first, and then because the air would expand in their ankle area, they'd get more and more buoyant and do and uncontrolled ascent. and every time i looked around i'd turn my neck too much and leak in water. and when the air vented out it'd squeeze me and i'd pump air back in. some more experimentation required...

Sunday, December 05, 2004

thank the gods, the weekend is over. i thought my week was bad.

one of the unfortunate aspects of working in a customer service industry, is that you have to meet people. usually this is a good thing, and i enjoy meeting new and interesting people from all walks of life, and seeing the interesting things they've been upto. we had a surprise birthday party for a lady this weekend, she thought she was on the boat for the weekend with her boyfriend/fiance by herself, and got surprised with all her mates, and then on saturday, her folks from kiwi land. she was suitably impressed. and her boyfriend has got more brownie points than you can poke a big stick at.

but this weekend there were a few different people. who were absolute pains in the arse. couldn't please them, nothing was up to their standards, they were rude, obnoxious, and generally arseholes. fortunately these people never return. if they didn't have a good time, they won't come back. but in the event that they are thinking of it, the weekend organiser will be told that they aren't welcome. and if they insist, and the bosses let them on, they can have them, but they'll have no fucking crew. we're on strike. the money isn't good enough to have to deal with cunts like that. if you stupid pricks really find so little pleasure in diving, and are so miserable and unhappy all the time, why don't you just end it all. i've got a handy little cliff, or perhaps a few lead weights that have come back after the previous bodies finally finished being eaten away from.

the bosses were a bit worried that one particular dumb ass would go back to sydney and bad mouth us to all his friends. i reckon if anyone is sorry/stupid/fucked up enough, to be his friend, then we don't want them anyway. stay away mother-fuckers. the diving down here is shit. go somewhere else.

finally got rid of them and back to mum's for mine and my daughter's birthday bbq. pressies and kids going mad and generally winding down. everyone pitched in and got me a NEW SLIM PLAY STATION 2. i am just as happy as a pig in shit. it is the coolest toy. i'm gonna be the uber-geek for weeks with this. and now i'm in a dilemma. do i get online and work on my character's progression in this online game i play? or while away the hours playing grand theft auto on the play station. decision decisions. not enough hours in the day to properly satisfy my need for bludging...

plus i got a dvd called the Barry Sheene story. ok, yes, Barry was a completely lame, dumbass commentator. but he was an awesome rider in his day. and his contribution to the game raised it to the level it is today. high wages, tv rights, sponsorship etc....

you may have been a strange pommy twit, but we love ya Barry.

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